.. say "Gary Cooper" and fall immediately asleep. I even missed her, "That's right." She knew EXACTLY why I woke her up.DD's tumor kept the information locked up. On inaccessible sectors on her hard drive.With the tumor in place, the information stuck inside, oh, flashes of information 'leaked', just enough to keep DD from being a vegetable, enough to let her function subpar but not enough for even simple addition ... except for her almost uncanny ability to count change ... an idiot savant function? Almost everything else she had, she had from 'experience.'Psychiatrists have ever debated whether man is intuitive or experiential, learned or innate, they, blown about by the 'next innovation' in the Art, for psychiatry is an ART and not a science, following this one or that one ... they seek a one size fits all science.Carl Jung thought Sigmund Freud mad. Remember that the next time you think your wife or mother in law is crazy...there are those Psychiatrists who will agree with. Sadly, about the time when I might havereally been able to start sorting me out, I was exposed to a rapist, andspent two years in Hell.Part of what happened to me was he justified his attacks on me because ofmy feminine side. He made me so afraid of my desire to be female that iburied it until I was approaching puberty. Then the sense of wrongness,the horrible feeling that somehow, I was going in the wrong directionbecame overwhelming. But I kept it hidden as best as I could.Then I became a Christian. This made my conflict even stronger, as I wasinducted into a conservative branch of the faith, and felt sure that myneed for the feminine was a sin. This lead to a cycle of "binging" -getting girl clothes and trying to be as female as I could, followed byguilt and "purging" where I would get rid of everything, only to start upagain a week later, or even sooner.Not only that, I suffered severalbreakdowns, and seriously considered suicide several times.Finally, I realized I was hurting.
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